08:49 am
24 October 2016

She doesn’t want me to kiss and touch her despite assuring her I want to get married to her. What should I do?

Trending Response 1:


So many men marry women like that and then wonder why their wives do not like sex. My wife was a virgin when we met but I told her that there was no way I would marry her unless I knew that we were sexually compatible. I think sex is very important. It is what releases Oxytocin that emotionally bonds me to my wife and her to me. It is one of the hormones that make me feel love and without sex, I do not get any of that good stuff that makes for a happy marriage and healthy sex life.

I was speaking with my cousins husband once, now her ex husband. He was telling me that my cousin would pray before sex and as if it was her duty to have it to please her husband. There was no spontaneity or anything but sex for procreation. Outside of sex time, she did not want to be touched or kissed. Of course they divorced shortly after they had their son. Her husband could not live with a woman who treated sex as her duty and got no joy from it.

I would not buy a car without test driving it so why in heck would I enter in a lifetime marriage contract to be sexually faithful to a woman who I never had sex with. Not a smart move in my opinion and yet it happens all the time. I am married over 40 years because I married a woman who is sexually compatible with me.

Trending Response 2:

Look. What you want doesn’t matter one iota. If she’s not interested, then it doesn’t fucking matter if you want to kiss or touch her. If she doesn’t even want to talk to you, then you don’t have the right to do that, either.

You have no rights over anyone else and what they want to do.

Your good (or creepy) intentions don’t matter at all. They are not a factor in the morality of this situation.

Leave her alone. If she says no, take her at her word and move on. Your feelings will ebb, and you can find someone else. But even if they didn’t it would not matter.

You have no right over someone else. She is not an object, she’s a person, with agency.

I’m trying to make this as clear as absolutely possible, because so many people will hear part of this and just kind of wriggle out of it. Don’t do that. Listen to what I’m saying. Your motives are not an excuse or a reason or a justification. They do not matter in this context.

Trending Response 3:

What should you do?

Don’t fucking touch and kiss people who don’t want to be touched and kissed. So what if you want to marry her. She is not your property. She is a human being who gets to decide what does and doesn’t happen to her body.

So you want to marry her? Does she want to marry you?

Even if she does want to marry you, she is still not your property.

Hell, even if she marries you, she is still not your property.

Someone who thought that I was obligated to let them touch me and kiss me because they wanted to would never get a chance to touch me or kiss me. Ever.

And I let a lot of people touch and kiss me.

This article first appeared on Quora