09:04 pm
23 June 2017

DEAR AUNTY AFRICA: I am happily married, but I can’t help sleeping with other women

I HAVE been cheating on my wife with a woman I met at the gym. I wish I could say this is just a one-off but it isn’t.

I love my wife but I can’t stop having sex with other women.

I am 37 and my wife is 34. We have been married for eight years and have two children together, one aged four and one six months.

I have a nice house but a stressful job that takes its toll on me. I just can’t seem to keep faithful to my wife, even though she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I have had numerous affairs. The latest one started when I got talking to a woman at my local gym.

I have seen her there many times and eventually I struck up a conversation with her.

She is slightly older than me at 41 but is extremely fit.

We started flirting and swapped mobile numbers. I already knew she would be my next lover.

I texted her one night to suggest we skip the gym and go somewhere more private. She invited me over to her flat and we ended up having the most amazing sex.

We continued our affair for ten months but it came to an end when she found someone else after I told her I would not leave my wife for her.

I would hate my wife to find out what I have done and I don’t want to lose her and the kids. But I can’t stop wanting attention from other females.

It really upsets me and I don’t understand why I do it.

I know it isn’t fair on my family and especially not on my wife. I don’t know what to do to stop myself, as all I want is to be happy with my family and be a good husband and father.

What should I do? It’s driving me mad. Am I simply wired to be like this?

DEIDRE SAYS: Your problems may go back to childhood. What was your parents’ relationship like?

If you felt unloved as a child, you could be on an endless quest to feel loved as an adult.

You can get hooked on that high of getting off with someone new, especially if you are wary of relying on one person emotionally because you were hurt when young – maybe by a parent who walked out.

But the truth is that you are making a choice every time you have sex with another woman.

Change your pattern of life so you have less temptation. My e-leaflet Can’t Be Faithful? can help.

You have also been taking risks with your wife’s sexual health.

You owe it to her to have a check-up and you owe it to your children to make your marriage work.

My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex can help rev up your sex life.